day 32: sunrise, finishing and the unfairness of life
so this morning started beautifully, literally:
[local /wp-content/uploads/2009/07/morningride_sm.wmv nolink]
this is from my bike ride this morning, on a day with no rain, even. (those are cows behind the fence, by the way, if you can’t quite tell)
i was up early and back before 6, but i pulled something in my back while doing my pull-ups. not debilitating, just painful. so, instead of starting in on the writing, i laid on my back for twenty minutes with a shirt balled up under me and just breathing.
after that, though, things were back on track and i got out another couple pages before breakfast (in addition to the additional four last night). this is the very exciting news. i expect to finish today. i’m aware, even with the updated word count estimate, that i’ll be short my expected total by several thousand, but, particularly in action sequences, i try to write as fast as i think, so the nuance is often lost. there is also the matter of the outline bypass early on, which has an impact. nonetheless, i feel good that the story is whole and solid. the revisions will take care of the rest.
however, while throwing together that quick movie from this morning’s ride, i got some depressing news from some friends whom i’ve recently been back in touch with after much too long. the news is theirs, and it’s the kind of news i don’t wish upon anyone, even people i don’t like. it’s the kind of news that makes me question any balance in the universe, any sense of overall goodness or fairness. it’s the kind of news that makes me realize how utterly, ridiculously, and seemingly unfairly fortunate and graced i am in this life.
and then makes me feel guilty for it.
so now what? wallow in my self-pity? bemoan the unfairness of life? that’s not what my friends are doing.
they’re doing the things they need to do to keep going, to keep hoping and to keep living. they’re facing a terrible, uncertain thing every day, and they’re still getting up and going to work and paying the bills and doing the dishes and taking care of each other and their family. not because they don’t have a choice, but precisely because they have chosen. to keep going forward.
guess i better get back to my book.