am i nuts?

i’m trying to get focused again, trying to get psyched to dive into Another Night with serious intent, but the 4th rejection note in a week and the MacMillan/Amazon fiasco (which many many others far more aware, involved and intelligent have discussed in great and important depth) are starting to give me pause. of course, there are certainly light spots (i have a wife who endures and supports and still loves me; i’ve been spending some really wonderful time with my grandmother learning about family history and the amazing woman she was and is; my home has not been eradicated by an earthquake), but when it comes to the writing, well, it feels a bit hard, lately.

mind you, when i do write, even those five minutes, i love it. i’m transported, i’m excited, i’m puzzling and discovering and it’s quite a wonderful thing. which is why i keep doing it. it’s a very real likelihood that i’ll never be published traditionally (either in print or online). ever.

simple fact.

a simple, sobering, depressing, frustrating, solid fact.

and maybe the doomsayers are right and printed books are history and ebooks are the future and authors are paid less for their work than fry clerks (actually, i think that last one is already true for most published authors, especially new authors). maybe Amazon will win and royalties will be a pat on the back.


and yet, despite all that, how can i not keep trying?

so stop writing about it and start writing it, doofus!

duly noted.