rule #4: have faith in yourself

it’s so easy to get down on myself, sometimes, as my previous post shows. very frustrating. and yet, it’s just as easy to get back up.

not that there wasn’t something to be put out about, though. monday, i hadn’t written anything, and tuesday i barely made 3 pages , and was unhappy with 1 of them. i went to bed on tuesday wallowing in the despair of not having any skill at this writing thing, and what am i really trying to prove, anyway… moreover, despite the total fabulosity of the review that lifted me higher than a kite on monday, i remembered on tuesday that i had received another agent rejection letter for Witness last week, only futhering my downward spiral.

wednesday didn’t help a lot, count-wise. i only managed 2 pages, and i was still carrying 3 pages over from monday, leaving me 4 pages behind.

but today was an entirely different story (ha! get it? *sigh*). the 2 pages from yesterday got me around an obstacle, and today i ran with it, cranking out 7 pages, as of 5 minutes ago. a good day. AND i managed to water the garden and do a load of darks and whites, too!*

and how did all this happen? because, with help from my wife/muse, i remembered that i don’t believe i’m terrible at this writing thing, that i have a chance, and that i will continue.

when i started to tell her about the difficult storyline problem i’d been stuck on earlier this week, i realized i’d already fixed it. i also realized that wednesday’s work, while less than i’d desired, more than made up for it by revealing this solution. i had identified that i was forcing it, and i went through the steps to re-approach the issue, until i found the one that worked.

i believed i could do it, and i did it. it’s that simple. and that hard.

in regards to the rejection letter, it finally occurred to me that i had opened it in the middle of last week, but not really given it a second thought until my slump on tuesday. yes, it’s a rejection. so what? i had clearly forgotten rule #2. also, i have sent a note to another agent who requested an exclusive review of a partial some time ago, so this rejection actually frees me up to contact this other agent!

so, here i am, back on track (83% !!!), thrilled to be here, and sincerely hoping to actually learn some of these rules some day.

* well, the clothes still need to be folded, but they’re all washed and dried.