Audrey.d1.day1 – yep, here we go again.
the more i run from something, the faster it catches me.
i tried to get some space from writing in general after finishing Running on Empty earlier this week. no dice. every spare moment (and plenty that were otherwise occupied) found me returning to it in my mind, whether it was getting Running on Empty typed up, or getting on with a new short story, or the steady and admittedly depressing filter of agent rejections, i couldn’t stop thinking about it.
unfortunately for my better half, these thoughts often spilled out of my mouth as well, leading to more than a few circular conversations (doubt > frustration > determination > excitement > uncertainty > doubt > etc.).
after much discussion, though, she suggested i try a more radical shift in gears. i was resistant at first, though i can’t honestly give you a good reason why. it was something i had been expecting to tackle at some point, so why not now?
another couple days of rumination and discussion brought me to the truth: i was avoiding this idea because i feared failure, and that’s simply a lousy reason not to try.
so this evening, after several days of no writing to speak of, i sent myself up over the garage for 45 minutes, to at least write something and see what came of it. i had mixed feelings, going into it: low expectations weighing down high hopes.
an hour and a half later, i had nearly 3 pages and i felt . . . moved. i don’t want to say it’s a better feeling than what i feel for the other pieces i’ve written, but i’ve decided to take on something more personal this time, though with some caveats from my normal process:
- it’s not really my story (this will make sense later)
- i haven’t outlined anything (and don’t really plan to)
- it’s contemporary fiction (a first, at book-length, for me)
what’s it about? well, i’m going to hold onto that for a bit. i’ve given it the placeholder title of Audrey, for now, and i probably won’t keep posting about it as i go, until i’m ready to divulge more. this feels like something not to be piece-mealed, but presented fully-formed.
this feels a bit like jumping off a cliff.